He's back.....

This morning I was walking up Beall when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
Of course I knew who it was. That's not how we meet our demons. That's just how they return to us, out of the background.

He zipped behind a tree, and I pretended not to notice. I wanted to know what he would do. Not because I wanted it to happen, I would have been much happier to call him out, but my damn curiosity got the better of me.

You know all about curiosity.

He walked out from behind the tree, a man on two legs. He had been demoted again. The poor creature had a look on his face I can't contain with words, but was close to primeval fury and complete hopelessness.

He looked like a barbarian.

Now we sit across the table from each other. He's feeling much better now. He tells me it's the worst kind of feeling.

"Done?"

"They deserve an introduction. They don't know."

"Well, now they do. Can we get on with it?"

"Still ashamed, I see."

"Of course I am, stupid. Now can we get on with our lives?"

Damnit.

"Yes, we can."

"Good."

I reply only with my angry face.

"What do you want to grill me on today?"

"Anything. I have a headache. What did you do today?"

"I worked a little and I played a little and somehow it's over already, and I want to go to bed."

"Well just pull some energy from within yourself. Like Olga told you."

"Right. I...what did I do today. I learned the name of a pretty girl. I'll say hi to her some day."

"Cassonova..."

"I used the last of my stuff. I talked about new stuff. I heard a conversation."

"That. Tell me about that."


I was walking down Beall when I heard two people talking behind me. A girl and a boy. The boy was telling the girl why he wasn't coming back to school the next year. He said he had some mental problem. I don't know who the boy was, but I know he's one of the strongest people I've ever heard.

He was joking about it. Just laughing, him and the girl. He intoned a complete popping of character, a jump into a new personality. He went, "Guherrr.... drak!!" and made like a demon possessed retard on steroids.

It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

He was so open, so in touch with himself and his problem, whatever it was. I don't know anything about it, obviously, but if it's enough to pull you from school, it must be rediculous.

'Cause there are some fucked up people her, let me tell you. There are a lot of complete nutjobs. And the're still doin' IS. I know more people than I can count on both hands who need mental help. I won't say who, I refuse to say, don't ask.

(silence)

"Wow, you really hate me don't you?"

"Yes. There's your story. Use that. You want to analize me, you fucking imaginary cat? I'll say it. I'm insane. I talk to an imaginary cat. What? Tear me down more than that."

(nothing)

"Worked for Eminem, and worked for me."

"You...damn. You know people read this as a series. A fucking retarded series, the feature movie to which hasn't even been released yet. Where's the Russia part?"

"You want my Russia mind? You can't have it. I don't want to deal with it yet. When I come to realize that actually happened to me, I'll tell it."

"Any time soon, Tolstoy?"

"As soon as my postman gets here. That weekend."

"Post man...?"

-------------------

"Seriously now. You hate me, I know it, but this is your job. You don't have a say. I'm glad you got that out of your system, but we're going to do this, no matter what. This is a cat dictatorship of your mind. You don't choose. Don't forget that."





"Fine."

"Good."

---------------------------

"Tell me something. Anything."

"I don't like christians."

"Well that's not surprising, your parents being preachers and all."

"My brother's religious too. He reads this."

"Shit, son."

"Yeah."

"You sure you want to go there?"

"Well why not? No matter how much this mirrors real life, it's still just fiction."

"It's genre-less garbage."

"And your it's main character."

"..."

"I don't like christians."

Straightening up in his slouch against the wall, "Why?"

"Because I think they ruined the world. Imagine what would have happened on this planet if there had never been a Jesus?"

"There would have been something else. There is always going to be a dominant religion in the world. It might be a godless religion, but there will be one. Dogma and all. We can't live without it."

"I question that as an absoltue statement, but agree in general."

"So, then, what's your point? You gonna whine for a liberal religion? We're not there yet."

"No, I was going to argue for the development of human, well, honestly Western society?"

"Well, I'm Western. Honestly it interests me a great deal more to examine my own culture than someone elses. That's why I like Russian. I don't necessarily agree with anything Russia has ever done, or even like it as a state now. I like some of the people from there, but there's always going to be a minority of good people in every country. I just like looking at something that is, to me, at the same time both 'self' and 'other'."

"Damn, Derrida."

"You used that joke already."

"Well you used that language already and it pissed me off then too. I don't by that babble. Actualliy say something."

"I don't like that I don't like christians. I think that it puts them above me, and that pisses me off more. I don't like them, and in many ways, they're better than me. Well, at least on paper. I don't know about all of them, but it's like I said. There will always be a minority of good people."

"You should put that on a t-shirt."

"I'm thinking about it."

"Well this one is easy. You love your family, right?"

"A lot, actually. More than a lot of people my age it seems."

"Are you calling yourself a freak?"

"No."

"Fine. You love your parents. A lot, hu Edipus?"

"Oh. Well you're a sick fucker. I--"

"Shut up! We get it. I don't want another damn story. I'm sorry, it was a joke. You love your parents, your brother, you can love other goddamn christians. It's not like running a marathon. It's not work. It's just telling yourself to shut the hell up on the inside and not judge everyone, you jerk."

"Uh....okay."

"Good."

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I want to make a four or five person commune in Boston this summer. Anyone interested?
Leave a comment if you are. Well, if you're interested and not a total fucking moster freak psychopath killer ninja bomber knife juggler. You're no good.